It’s been almost two years since I went vegan. I remember shit-talking all of those skinny hipsters with their vegan tattoos, the ones who would hang out in coffee shops sipping espresso and munching on flax-seed filled dairy-free scones. After months of scoffing at mock meat entrees at restaurants, irritating bumper stickers preaching an anti-meat lifestyle, and soymilk being a staple at every cafe, I decided to leap teeth-first into veganism, originally with the intent of trying it out for a month. My goal was to build up an arsenal of snotty insults that could be backed up by my experience, or at least to have a Morgan Spurlock-esque health crisis, like dramatic weight loss, beriberi, scurvy, or obscure indie rock fandom. That way I could really razor my tongue against those self-righteous vegan jerkfaces. Instead, two years later, I am one of them. Still. Happily. But I won’t say that it’s all a bowl of Seitenbacher cherry dolphins. (That’s a vegan fruit snack, for you omnivores out there. They’re kinda like gummi bears. You should try them.)

I’m not going to allow myself to be guilty of what made me start this experiment in the first place. I won’t preach to you. Unless your head is filled with rocks, you know that what you eat has a direct impact on your health. To me, the key benefit to going vegan was simple. I no longer felt like shit. I wasn’t a big meat eater to begin with, but I consumed a Super Walmart dairy section’s worth of milk products per day. We’re talking a 16 ounce container of fat free cottage cheese in a sitting, at least once a day, on top of skim milk drowning my cereal in the morning, punctuated by Greek yogurt for a snack. The only way I could describe how I felt as I kicked the dairy habit was like my stomach and intestines had been suffering from a stuffy nose that suddenly cleared. Going vegan was like spraying Afrin in the nostrils of my digestive tract. I suddenly felt lighter, less bloated and congested. I ain’t gonna lie, it was no fun at all to begin with. I still crave that tub of cottage cheese quite often, but fortunately there are some tasty alternatives, like cinnamon-bun flavored soy yogurt, or even just raw nuts. Yup, it’s true that your taste buds change when you start cutting out those foods that had their hooks in your tongue.

I’m just going to throw it out there and let y’all know that my skin mysteriously cleared up around the same time,  that my energy level skyrocketed. It could have been my liver wringing out ten years of severe alcohol abuse. Or it could have been the fact that I was consuming a plant-based diet. (Or the fact that I was spending my nights in bed reading while Simon went out to spin records at the bars. Nothing holds a candle to the health benefits of a full eight-hours of shut-eye.)

After I quit drinking, which was about a month before I decided to veganize my diet, my vices were Splenda, non-fat French vanilla flavored non-dairy creamer, and Diet Pepsi. These days I’d list them as dried figs, Medjool dates, kombucha tea, and Red Star nutritional yeast. Blimey! I’ve become one of them! I’d like to say that once I became a card-carrying vegan, I received a package from headquarters that included two pairs of black skinny jeans, five new tattoos, and a septum ring. But even though all of those were things I procured after going vegan, they are unrelated, I think. I learned from doing this that a lifestyle choice isn’t an aesthetic thing, although – as with any so-called subculture – there are those who are attracted to the idea of veganism simply because of the fact that it’s different. But poseurs are everywhere, and since opening my mouth and consequently my mind, I’ve found that vegans come in all shapes and sizes, from the marathon running dad, to the preteen animal activist. Yes, it’s true, I’ve hung out with vegans who were not all twenty-something, Caucasian, educated Band of Horses fans. And although Portland is a town that seems to be run by animal-eschewing foodies, New York is a close second-best.

For anyone who is already vegan and who is thinking of opening a business, I give you my blessing. Although I couldn’t find any specific statistics, I will say that the main companies and restaurants I’ve relied upon to keep my stomach full of vegan vittles have not closed in the past two years. The restaurants out here that cater to this particular clientele seem to have a passionate following, and I’m hopeful that time and research will prove that even though they are providing provisions for a very particular niche, you can be successful if you craft a business around certain ideals. Although the hypocritical cynic in me would probably scoff  at a steak house, or the converse of the places and platters that I love (the opposite of salad must be milk-chocolate smothered bacon or something on the menu at Churrascaria Plataforma,) I will admit that I’m surprised that vegan shops and markets seem to thrive, even in a city so notorious for destroying small businesses like a smoke-belching, ever-hungry bankruptcy dragon. 

If you’re thinking of trying out a plant-based diet, even if it’s only for a month, here are some resources and advice.

Advice:

• You will fart at first. A lot. Like, to an alarming degree. Just be prepared. Don’t go to any silent films, don’t sit on the bus next to cute strangers, and maybe practice in the back of yoga class for a while. 
• If you’re lucky enough to have health insurance, or a friend who’s in med school, check in with them before you start. The last thing you want is to be mildly anemic before you start fucking with your diet. In spite of the negative press, veganism isn’t necessarily tied to iron deficiencies. (Believe it or not, dried beans and dried fruits are two of the best sources of iron you can chomp on, while that whole spinach schpeel is a myth.) 
• Drink a fuckload of water. That is an actual unit of measurement, and I urge you to drink as close to a fuckload as you can a day. 
• Don’t be an asshole. Your friends might have problems with your new diet, you might have to deal with a lot of lip service, but this doesn’t mean that you should become some sort of preachy zealot. Remember to take the high road. You’re trying this out for whatever reasons – you want to improve your health, you needed to do something for Lent, some cute girl in your class was reading The China Study – so simply stick by them. People will chill out if you just stay consistent and don’t argue. Of course, this comes from a woman whose boyfriend passive-aggressively watches Man vs. Food during dinner and makes orgasm sounds while doing so.

Resources

On-linear: 
VegWeb is the go-to spot for recipes, discussions, and articles on vegetarianism and veganism. It’s a good place to start, and the comments below the recipes are really useful, especially if you happen to be inept when it comes to directions like yours truly.

Fat Free Vegan Kitchen (and its predecessor Fat Free Vegan Recipes.) Don’t be fooled! When Susan says "fat free" she just means without the artery-clogging trans fat and high-fructose corn syrup of processed foods. There’s plenty of olive oil, avocado, and nut-based goodness in here to keep your system running, and the veganization of some of her favorite Southern recipes from a childhood in Louisiana certainly wouldn’t be considered "lite" fare. (Think creamy Creole eggplant casserole and fat-free donuts.) But this blog is a godsend for an incapable cook such as myself who likes to keep things at least somewhat healthy. After all, I live with a dude who views the five main food groups as apple turnovers, candy, bacon, pizza, and Goldfish crackers.

Girlie Girl Army and its founder Chloe Jo Davis will appeal to even your most high-maintenance, label-coveting cousin. The site includes everything from information on sample sales to adoptable pets. It’s activism with allure, like Vogue magazine for vegans, only with a sense of humor and a lot of edge. Bonus points: the Army sends out a weekly newsletter, so you get tips and treats in your Inbox without having to do anything. Awesome for those of us who like feeling better about ourselves without lifting a finger.

Food Fight Grocery. Okay, confession. When I lived in Portland, going to this grocery store was the heterosexual-male equivalent of walking into a strip-club. I knew I was going to drop a lot of money, but it would be worth it for what was about to invade my pupils like one-thousand sparkly rainbows. And I’m not just talking about the food. Sure, their actual aisles and online store are filled with a plethora of snacks, staples, and sweets, but the boys who keep the shop running…well, let’s just say they’re my centerfolds. Smoking-hot vegan boys with tattoos getting shit done in a small business? Swoon.

Locavore

New Yorkers:

Gobo restaurant is my favorite mid-level veggie place where I can take omnivore friends and have them be confused at the menu, but pleased with the chow. (Actual dialog: "What’s Satan?" "That’s seitan. It’s good. Eat it.") It’s got a cute set-up, though the sound level can get a bit ridiculous. I recommend their juices, and the spinach wonton soup. For old-school New York veg-heads out there, Gobo is the cousin of the late Zen Palate.

Everyone I know swears by Candle 79 and Candle Cafe. We’re talking serious foodies telling me that I should take a Bic lighter to my buttcheeks and make my way there right now. The two or three times we’ve made reservations something has come up, which means that the meal I will eventually eat there is destined to irrevocably change my life or give me superpowers. The restaurant is fancy, while the cafe is slightly scaled down for more casual meals. With offerings that include a daily special of hand-cut pasta, I am an idiot to have not gone yet.

Other places that have been lauded that I haven’t tried include Stogo and Babycakes. I confess that this is because I’m not a huge dessert fiend.

Stogo is a non-dairy ice cream parlor. Read that again and let your brain get acclimated to it. Three flavors that made my eyeballs salivate include soy based Mexican Spiced Chocolate, coconut-milk based pina colada, and hemp based Maple Walnut. I’ll post a first-person review of this joint once it stops fucking snowing and I can actually walk beyond a two-block radius without drowning in grey sludge.

Babycakes is famous for their vegan cupcakes, and even my passionately burger-loving friend who views vegan fare as "non-food" is known to make special trips to this shop during her time of the month. They have flavors that include red velvet and carrot, along with other baked goods, like cinnamon buns. Non-New Yorkers take note, they ship.

I used to love teany cafe, the vegan tea house and nosh nook founded by my boyfriend’s doppelgänger, Moby. Turns out the place got gutted in an electrical fire last June, no word yet on when it’s reopening. I’m pretty sure they’re still shipping their selections of 98 different tea varieties, so it’s worth checking out their website. Hopefully it will reopen soon.

In Norman, Oklahoma, the Earth Cafe and Grocery, Gray Owl Coffee, Sweet Basil, and Misal restaurant were all great for vegan fuel, which you may find surprising in a state that ranks fifth in the nation for cattle production.

In Portland, Oregon, where I went vegan, I would say that the entire town was helpful in maintaining a vegan diet. The Blossoming Lotus Cafe and the Bye & Bye bar were probably my two favorite vegan hangouts, though. If you’re passing through Puddletown, check them out, and I mean actually check them out, as the staff at both places is very easy on the eyes.

• Cheat sheet:
• There are articles online that are much better at explaining how to go vegan than this one. Look ‘em up. Read Skinny Bitch if you’re in the mood for a quick read that explains why this lifestyle change works for some people. If you’re a brainiac, tackle that aforementioned book, The China Study. Actually, fuck it, everyone should read at least a little bit of both. Form your own opinion.
• Vegans are not all animal rights activists who throw red paint on your leather boots.
• Sometimes veganism can be a sign or a trigger for an eating disorder. If you’re prone to that sort of thing, or you know a new vegan who has struggled with her body image in the past, just keep that in mind. It’s worth noting.
• Vegans are fucking hot. Seriously. Hottest fucking guys in the world. I believe I have touched on this point several times during this post, but I cannot touch on it enough. Heh.

Final Thoughts:
I can’t say that I’m always spot-on when it comes to my veganism. It’s progress, not plant-based perfection. I’m still on the fence when it comes to my stance on honey, and I get side-swiped by an errant sushi dinner or seduced by the soft swirls of soft-serve froyo, but I consider veganism to be one of the better health choices I’ve made. As with everything, I try to remember that being rigid and obtuse about any choice can be off-putting. It’s better to have an open mind and enough self-knowledge to explain yourself in an argument without being defensive. Of course, I’m standing on this soap box right now, so the view’s a little better for me.

In case you’re interested, face plant was the first blog I ever wrote, documenting my exploration of veganism which consequently, like blogging, became a way of life.

Share your tasty thoughts and edible experiences with me if you’d like. You can always write me at AinsleyDrew at the gmail one. I love getting email, I read it over lunch.